Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
