Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
