I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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