i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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