I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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