As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
