THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
