all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
