Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
