I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
