So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
