He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
