So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
