My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
