Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
