eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
