the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
