May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
