I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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