There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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