and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
