Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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