The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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