Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
