did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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