wanna go halves on a baby?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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