Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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