if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
