i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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