you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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