okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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