I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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