their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
