dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
