in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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