This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
