ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
