So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
