Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just invented taco cereal.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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