She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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