she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
