and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the day after is always just damage control
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Drake has all the answers
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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