just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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