...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
