Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
