Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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