There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
