well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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