you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
