Where did you get a picture of my penis
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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