I'm going to jail i love you
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
